$4.50 and Some Crazy Repellant

Am I seriously the only one who attracts the crazies? Everyone tells me that they attract weirdos, but then I go out with them and somehow the weirdos find me instead of the confessing friend. Maybe I just hang out with people who attract strange people, and so by default I end up dealing with them. Whatever the reason, I deal with way too many crazy people! You may remember the over-zealous scout master. He's just the tip of the iceberg in my ability to find the weirdos.

Most recently, I was able to enjoy a great movie with one of my wackos. No, it wasn't Tyson. It wasn't even Marlene who I was with at the movie. I don't even know his name, which you'll find is a good thing. Picture the scene: Marlene and I have found that the best way to escape our routines as SAHM's is an occasional girls' night. And by occasional I mean frequent. We found our favorite night out - the local dollar movie theater. For $4.50, we get admission, a drink (yes, we bought the nerdy mug for refills!), and popcorn. We even smuggle some sweet contraband in to offset the salty popcorn. We go see movies our husbands don't want to see with us, and we go after the kids are in bed so we don't have to deal with the "How-do-I-take-care-of-these-kids" phone calls. It's perfect. If you're Marlene and you take the aisle seat.

An empty seat next to me in a theater just screams for the crazies. I might as well place a sign reserving the seat for the individual most psychiatrically medicated. A couple of weeks ago, he found me. To begin with, we were there to see Twilight, and my "friend" was there with another guy. The theater was filled with women, a few husbands/boyfriends who were reluctantly dragged along, and these two. They sat next to me, of course, because my reserved seat was calling to them. As the previews started, I couldn't help but notice the one next to me fully turning his head and shoulders and staring straight at me. No sly, peeking out of the corner of your eye, this was a full position changing stare.Who does that? Now it wasn't a romantic, I'm-interested-in-you type of stare (not that I would know what that looks like). It was a crazy blank kind of a stare. I was uncomfortable, but sure it would end when the movie started. It didn't. After about 45 minutes of on-again, off-again staring, I snuggled in as close to Marlene's chair as I could and finally whispered to her about the psycho. He may have heard me, because the staring cut in half for the rest of the movie. Sounds great, except that he had a new plan at that point. His drink was sitting in the cup holder in the arm rest we shared. He began drinking his drink from the straw without lifting it from the holder. This wasn't one of those huge 64 oz. cups that stands as tall as you sit. This was one of those 12 oz cups that are a few centimeters short of clearing the cup holder itself. Seriously try this the next time you're at a movie. It's a very awkward way to spend a couple of hours with someone you know only from the intense staring you've been subjected to. So now, between stares, he's bending clear over for a drink, his head nearly in my lap, slurping loudly the drink that needed to be refilled at that point. These things only happen to me.

We exited quickly when the movie ended (we being Marlene and I, not the psycho). She had missed most of the excitement, so we laughed the whole way home retelling the story. Apparantly, if you want an exciting night at the dollar movie, take me. For you're $4.50, you'll get a movie, treats, and a bonus crazy for no extra charge! (Crazy repellant is recommended and is not included in the purchase price.)